


In Which Dave Strider Attempts to Write a Story (Badly)

by fukmylyf



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Fluff, M/M, dave being stupid, fairytales - Freeform, idek, this is short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-17
Updated: 2014-04-17
Packaged: 2018-01-19 17:53:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1478755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fukmylyf/pseuds/fukmylyf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave writes an ironically shitty story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Which Dave Strider Attempts to Write a Story (Badly)

**Author's Note:**

> Beta-d by my bestie!! Castiel666Winchester
> 
> Also!!! Anyone wanna tell me how to put colors? because the first half is so much more effective when u can tell who's talking when

once upon a time there was a kingdom called the fruity rumpus asshole factory. in this kingdom lived the beautiful princess ~~karkles~~ KARKAT and his knight in shining armor dave. 

one day, the fair princess ~~karkitty~~ KARKAT was kidnapped by the evil dragon terezi and taken away to her cave. dave went on an epic quest to rescue him, in which he came across the mysterious juggalo, a pair of flighty broads and the kind mayor of can town. he would’ve recorded it, but it was so fucking mind-blowingly awesome it would have killed you.   I DOUBT IT.

so, finally, he got to the cave where his princess was being held. he could hear shrieks of anguish from inside, evidence of torture by licking and drubbings. dave smashed down the cave door dramatically (because fuck you, caves have doors now) and caught the dragon halfway through licking a stripe up ~~his~~ THE bound princess’s face.

he pulled out his sword, prepared to protect the princess in any way possible. the dragon C4CKL3D at his broken weapon, her SH4RP SH4RK-L1K3 teeth glinting in the dim light. ~~kitkat swooned, not able to stand the awesome.~~  KARKAT DIDN’T SWOON, BECAUSE *THIS IS STUPID.* dave attacked the laughing dragon, and an epic fight took place, with many dramatic explosions. dave was thrown to the floor, his sword discarded on the floor, just out of reach. karkat, ~~now awake again~~ WHO WASN’T ASLEEP TO BEGIN WITH BULGEMUNCH, struggled against his bonds, yelling against his gag.

T3R3ZI TOW3R3D OV3R H3R PR3Y, sniffing really snobby-like. she licked his face, grinning. “COOLK1DS 4R3 D3L1C1OUS,” she growled. karkat let out another frustrated noise, trying to get to his boyfriend. terezi prepared to take a bite out of dave’s neck but then

dave froze time, wriggling out from under the dragon. he untied karkitty, using the ropes to tie the dragon up instead before starting time up again. terezi fell down on her face and karkat made a little noise behind his gag (dave hadn’t bothered to remove it because karkat was better quiet). dave picked his princess up and left. they got married and lived happily ever after.

the end.

THIS IS STUPID, WHAT THE FUCK. I AM NOT A FUCKING PRINCESS. FUCK YOU FOR SAYING THAT. WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU WRITE THIS ANYWAYS?

You pick up your story. You hadn’t realized you’d left it lying around and now here it is, on the kitchen table, with a bunch of edits. The one’s from Terezi… well she helped you write it. And now Karkat’s seen it to.

It’s Terezi’s fault, you know it. You put it away carefully, and only she knew where. So unless Karkat suddenly decided that tearing the meteor inside out looking for a story that he didn’t know existed was suddenly a new pastime for him. Well.

Someone comes into the room.

“Strider?” the someone says, voice gruff and kinda pitchy.

“Yeah?” you answer, turning around, paper still in hand. You don’t look at him though, finding a spot on the ceiling more interesting.  

“Do I want to know?” Karkat asks, gesturing at the page in your hand.

“Uh. Probably not.”

“You called me beautiful,” he says, and only now do you look at his face, seeing the blush on it. You can feel the heat on your own cheeks start to build.

“I did? Huh. Well. Um.”

“… Ugh. Strider. Seriously. Are you shitting me? You’re not scared of leaving shit like that lying around but talking to me is all of a sudden the freakiest possible thing.”

“Yeah, man, you’re a terror to look at. Grown men piss themselves when you walk in.”

“Wow, thanks _asshole_. You’re not exactly astonishingly handsome either.”

“Yeah, no duh. I’m better than astonishingly handsome.”

“Yeah, totally. And I’m Troll Mickey Mouse.”

You smirk. You open your mouth to retort but Karkat holds a hand up.

“No, stop right there. This is completely counter-productive to all the stuff you expressed there,” he says, glaring at the piece of paper in your hands. He stalks over to you, snatches the sheet and chucks it over his shoulder, pushing you against the table.

“Woah, Vantas, what the fuck,” you start, but before you can continue his lips are pressed against yours. You can’t help it, you make a slight noise of surprise. He mistakes the sound for something bad though, you’re guessing, because he starts to pull away, so you slam your eyes shut and grab him, holding him close. He smirks against your lips, pulling away for air.

“And you called _me_ the princess.”

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [In Which Dave Strider Attempts to Write ANOTHER Story (equally as badly)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1535528) by [Castiel666Winchester](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Castiel666Winchester/pseuds/Castiel666Winchester), [fukmylyf](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fukmylyf/pseuds/fukmylyf)




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